Since I learned that my husband was cheating on me, I knew something terrible would happen to my mental health. Thoughts of self-harm started to intrude on my mind. Let me share with how how it all started.

No, it is not as though I was already planning to sabotage my own life so that people could stick around and feel sorry for me. It was not like that. Instead, I knew I would suffer from a devastating emotional and mental health battle – my mental health emergency and suicidal crisis. And I was never wrong about my stress levels because I eventually endured suicidal thought experiences and feeling suicidal behavior sooner than expected.

Understanding Suicide Thoughts

When I thought I was cheated and lied to, the things I valued most went into the trash. These include my relationship with others, self-love, trusted friends and family, awareness, and appreciation of life – my emotional well-being was at immediate risk of damage. Everything that revolves around me became my source of hate and condemnation. I was so desperate then thinking about a suicide plan, and my thoughts and feelings were all negative; I was self-loathing, and living was not an option. I did not get enough sleep, and my physical and behavioral traits deteriorated. The warning signs were there, but I set them aside as if I was afraid to feel safe and face reality.

I Became Hateful And Suffered From Substance Abuse To Cope

I even lost interest in how much I love to live life, especially when I am incapable of almost doing anything, even for my benefit. I hated myself, and I felt suicidal and often drank alcohol. My mood and overall mental health were so poor that I did not even notice any family member who was worried and concerned and tried to offer support. I do not want to have a conversation with anyone and would not take any advice. I was so overwhelmed with emotions, and I didn’t know how to overcome them and identify triggers.

I Am A Suicidal Person

I am afraid to talk to someone about my feelings and negative thoughts and do not want to say them aloud. I do not want people to think that I am after their attention and show signs of weakness because I need to validate my bad, harmful ideation. I don’t want that. As much as possible, I don’t want anyone to know that I am mentally and emotionally drifting, that I may have mental health problems and that I need professional help for my suicidal feelings. Besides, I do not want my husband to think that what he did to me was his winning moment. I do not want him to underestimate me.

My Suicidal Thoughts And My Mental Health

But I always felt alone, even if I tried my best not to give in. I hate that I experienced something like this that is awfully painful and genuinely heartbreaking – the warning signs were clear. Due to this cheating issue, I was never the same, and my thoughts of suicide grew and grew. I often think I am a total shit because I am constantly at the end of the rope feeling doubtful of everybody. I feel like I am in a dark hole where nobody sees me, getting trapped in an unknown world where there is no way out. I feel hopeless that I consider death as an opinion only to stop the pain and my anguish. I wanted to die and commit suicide so badly. A friend or family once offered professional support in the form of a doctor or healthcare professional and even a spiritual leader, but my suicidal thoughts kept me from accepting the help. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, even a family member.

Suicidal Ideation – A Medical Emergency

I didn’t pay too close attention to telling anyone what was in my head because it just came and went. But sometimes, even if I can shrug off these notions, I still fear them. I know my notions represent major depression and other mental health conditions that can push me to have suicide attempts one of these days. How sure am I about that? It is because I tried to look for several options to accomplish a sudden death. For me, the suicidal feeling is so strong that you want so badly to take your own life. With these thoughts and feelings, I realized there was a need to talk about it and get support from the experts.

Professional Treatment For Mental Health

At first, I thought that to get rid of my suicidal thoughts, all I had to do was talk to some of my friends or family members about the things that were bothering me. Once I managed to tell them what was on my mind, they would automatically understand what I was going through. However, when I decided to discuss my mental and emotional issues with them, I lost them. The moment I opened up my feelings to the people I love, it instantly created a gap when I acted impulsively. That is because these people were unable to grasp my condition. They just thought I was out of it because of my substance abuse or problem with drugs and perhaps my mental health issues. Some think I am overreacting, while others believe the problem was not as big a deal as I thought.

I chose a different path and vented my emotions to a stranger – a health professional. That was when I decided to seek treatment or possible solutions and medication for my substance abuse and my thoughts of suicide. Self-harm counseling provided me with a glimmer of hope to keep me going. The mental health professional discussed suicide prevention with me and helped me think that all this heartache and suicidal ideation should not influence my will to live. Counseling prevented me from doing something I honestly did not want. I learned coping strategies and was introduced to a support network or support group that offered help to prevent suicide. It made me rethink my goals in life and enabled me to accomplish a fast emotional thought recovery.

My Takeaways About Suicidal Thinking

I want to feel better because I now think that life offers much more. Therefore, I will not let these notions control me. I am glad I decided to seek a professional counseling service because I would not know if I’d commit suicide if I had not considered it.

Thankfully, I Don’t Think Of Those Dark Ideas Now.

I am positive that whenever the negative idea of doing suicide reaches my thoughts again, I know I can count on encouraging and motivating myself for overall wellness.

 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How to get help for mental health?

To get help for mental health, especially when feeling suicidal or dealing with mental disorders, contact a crisis lifeline.

When your partner threatens suicide?

When your partner threatens suicide, it’s crucial to take it seriously and seek immediate health information or help, especially if they’re in a suicide crisis, even if it’s related to mood swings.

What happens if you call the suicide helpline?

If you call the suicide helpline, they will provide you with caring support for your feelings and health, and help you through difficult moments related to suicide.

What is the issue with suicide?

The issue with suicide is that it involves thinking about suicide, which can lead to suicidal thoughts, and recognizing warning signs is crucial for suicide prevention.

What are suicidal thoughts from?

What does suicidal ideation mean?

What is the number for the suicide?

What is 988?

Can you text the suicide prevention line?