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May 2021

My Counseling Journey Over Suicidal Thoughts

Ever since I found out that my husband was cheating on me, I already knew something terrible would happen to my overall health. No, it is not like I was already planning to sabotage my well-being so that people could stick around and feel sorry for me. It was not like that. Instead, I knew that I was going to suffer from a devastating emotional and mental health battle. And I was never wrong about it because I eventually endured some of the depressive symptoms sooner than I expected.

When I realized that I was cheated and lied to, the things I valued most went into the trash. These include my relationship with other people, my self-love and awareness, and my appreciation in life. Everything that revolves around me became my source of hate and condemnation. I became so hateful and full of doubts. I even lost interest in how much I love to live life, especially when I am incapable of almost doing anything, even for the benefit of myself.

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What My Struggles Feel Like

I am afraid to talk about my feelings, and I do not want to say them aloud. I do not want people to think that I am after their attention and show signs of weakness because I need to validate my actions. I don’t want that. As much as possible, I don’t want anyone to know that I am mentally and emotionally drifting. Besides, I do not want my husband to think that what he did to me was his winning moment. I do not want him to underestimate me.

But even if I tried my best not to give in, I always find myself constantly feeling alone. I hate that I experienced something like this that is awfully painful and genuinely heartbreaking. Due to this cheating issue, I was never the same. I often have this sentiment that I am a total shit because I am constantly at the end of the rope feeling doubtful of everybody. I feel like I am in a dark hole, where nobody sees me getting trapped into an unknown world where there is no way out. I feel so hopeless that I consider death as an opinion only to stop my anguish.

I know that having suicidal thoughts should be put on the priority list of mental health warning signs. But I didn’t pay too close attention to telling anyone what is in my head because these thoughts just come and go. But sometimes, even if I can shrug off these suicidal thoughts, I still fear them. I know it represents a psychological problem that can push me to do it one of these days. How sure am I with that? It is because I attempted to look for several options on how to accomplish a sudden death. With that sort of thought and behavior, I realized that there is a need to talk about it.

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The Need For Counseling

At first, I thought that to get rid of my suicidal thoughts, all I have to do is talk to some of my friends or family members about the things that are bothering me. Once I managed to tell them what’s on my mind, they would automatically understand what I am going through. However, when I decided to discuss my mental and emotional issues with them, I lost them. The moment I opened up my feelings to the people I love, it instantly created a gap. That is because these people were unable to grasp my condition. Some think that I am overreacting, while others believe the problem was not as big a deal as I thought.

With that, I chose a different path and went to vent out my emotions to a stranger. That is where I decided to undergo a counseling service. Counseling provided me with a tiny glimmer of hope to keep me going. The counselor somehow helped me think clearly and realized that all this heartache and mental dilemma should not influence my will of living. Counseling prevented me from doing something that I honestly do not want to do. It made me rethink my goals in life and enabled me to accomplish a fast emotional and mental health recovery.

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Final Thoughts

I desire to feel better because I now realized that life has so much more to offer. Therefore, I will not let these suicidal thoughts control me. I am glad that I decided to seek a professional counseling service because I would not know what will happen if I didn’t. Thankfully, I am better now. I am positive that whenever the negative idea of hurting myself will reach my thoughts again, I know I can count on encouraging and motivating myself for overall wellness.

 



Ways To Know When To Get Counseling

There are times that even if you think you are emotionally and mentally capable of handling yourself, there are still things that can ruin everything for you. Those struggles can make you question what to do. You might end up wondering whether you would seek professional help or not. But to focus on resolving some of the issues you can hardly resolve, you need to reach out for professional advice or counseling. But when should you go and consider doing that? Here are some of the few things you should take note of.

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Feeling Sad And Lonely For No Particular Reason

Feeling sad or lonely for no particular reason can be an indicator that you need counseling. Usually, this can be something that can often ignore, especially when you are used to feeling emotional every time something tugs on your heartstrings. But when that emotional instability makes you cry without warning and make you feel depressed despite being okay a couple of minutes ago, then you need to pay attention because there might be something wrong. If that sadness and loneliness bring you to the point where you can’t control or stop the tears from coming, you should know that you are emotionally full. It is where you feel overwhelmed about anything, and things don’t process through your mind. That is the point that you need to go and see someone.

Overthinking About Negative Things That Don’t Matter

It is okay to think about things in a day-to-day matter. It helps with the development of your skills, comprehension, and emotional intelligence. But when that thinking focuses only on the negative ones and tends to go overboard, it indicates a strong reason for counseling. That is because the sheer amount of negativity that sticks around can make you shut down. You get loaded with unwanted thought cycles that contribute to the challenging overall function. This constant negative thinking habit can make you lose your self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-worth. Overthinking can ruin your disposition and influence you not to improve. It can even damage your problem-solving skills and decision-making abilities. It can cause too much mental and emotional exhaustion as it brings you to the verge of constantly fighting with yourself.

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 Slipping To Old Unhealthy Habits

There are instances that even if you try so hard to get rid of stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms, you often see yourself weak and vulnerable. The unfortunate thing about that situation is that it makes you return to the negative habits you once thought you already let go of. These are things that you can’t fight back against when you are emotionally and mentally unstable such as isolation, eating disorder, alcohol abuse, gambling, sleep deprivation, toxic lifestyle, etc. When that happens, you need to set your goals straight and be mindful of the consequences of your actions. Heed to counseling as soon as possible when you find these unhealthy habits creeping in. Please do not assume that these slipups are not a big deal because they can still cause inflicting health injuries in the long run.

Experiencing Uncontrollable Emotions

One way to know you need counseling is when your emotions are getting in control, and there’s not much you can do about it. It usually represents an angry outburst that creates complicated situations despite knowing yourself not being like that. Most times, when your emotions are in control, you struggle with communicating with other people as you immediately think of them as a threat or nuisance. You easily get upset for small reasons, and you do not look into some contributing factors that might control your rage. So when you feel that you are helpless to see a different perspective and solely focus on your rage, you need to let it out. Consider the underlying benefits of talking to somebody about your uncontrollable feelings so you can process them.

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Leaning Towards Isolation And Despair

You know you need counseling when friends and family cannot take your emotional and mental exhaustions all in. It is okay to limit strangers as much as you want. But be mindful that your friends and family are not exempted from the possible emotional and mental impact. If you are uncertain about your emotional and mental health, always remember that you can always seek professional counseling anytime. You should recognize it sooner rather than later. Because despite your optimism and known ability to handle things on your own, there will be a certain moment where seeing someone, talking things out, and having unbiased opinions can provide benefits to process through.

Final Thoughts

There is no limit to the advantage you can get from counseling, and seeing a counselor is a totally different thing. Aside from their unbiased opinions, they are trained to offer assistance, tools, and suitable techniques for your needs.

 




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