It’s understandable that a lot of us are carrying tons of issues with our family that we want to get rid of our chest. However, the process of confronting these vital individuals is a bit complicated, especially when they assume that you are trying to overreact only to grab their attention. Some would accuse you of trying to get too emotional only for recognition. A family member might say that you’re too crazy for having wrong and ridiculous thoughts. With that said, they don’t understand the struggle of wanting someone to be there in times of sorrow and pain.
According to Ben Wall, LPC, “Having a vision for what you would like your family to be is not just some kind of vague idea/dream that people talk about so they can one up each other in the parenting games.”
Family secrets such as incest or rape (if mention) can tear apart a strong family structure. Though we might believe that family secrets are what keep the family intact, it’s never going to hold enough lies in the long run. These secrets could be your parents’ longtime cheating issues because they don’t love each other anymore. It could be that an individual in your family is afraid to tell his or her sexuality. Or it could be something that you do that you consider as an unforgivable sin. It starts to bring mental illness in because there’s this fear that someone might know something. From there, situations begin to increase anxiety and panic attacks.
Denying The Truth
There are times that a family denies the truth about what’s going on in each of their relationships. From there, you can expect that not all family members are honest or loyal in front of you. There’s a determining factor that sets out a boundary to whether you trust someone in the unit or not. To make matters worse, some of the family members only use their relationship for their advantage. With this, too much confrontation becomes weary and depressing. It starts to bring anger, agitation, anxiety, and mood swings in every family member discussion.
Ignorance Of The Members’ Role
There’s a thin line between “presence” and “contribution” within the role of a family member. The problem with the depiction of what family is supposed to become a fallacy. That’s because everyone assumes that a family member’s presence in someone’s life is enough. However, it takes a toll when their presence doesn’t mean a thing. The wellness of each member of the unit depends on family members’ contribution to the overall development of a person. So even if you think that being physically present is okay, it’s never going to support an individual’s development. It will only cater to the buildup of psychological concerns.
Most people are entirely unaware of the fact that no parents can love their kids unconditionally. Even in the best of families you know based on observing others, far more likely, there’s always a parent that will never reach the kind of unconditional love you need. They don’t give you a break, and they don’t always agree with your decisions in life. You may find them toxic at some point, but it depends on how they see and value your potential.
On the other hand, there’s also a parent that sees no wrong in you even if there is. You may somehow think that’s okay and be thankful for their consistent approving action. But they are the ones that somehow don’t contribute to your being. Their consistency in keeping you away from exploring and knowing yourself is the most damaging part of growth and development.
Pass On Beliefs
At some point, people know that some of their parents’ beliefs come from their parents. It’s not entirely a bad thing. That’s because most parents valued the experience they have when they were growing up. Therefore, they always assume that they know everything based on how they were treated back in the days. It creates a family problem especially to those individuals who presume life differently. And because people evolve in different generations, they see different things from what they’re parents experienced. From there, numbers of arguments, unfinished discussions, and unhealthy conversations take place in the unit.
Rigidity Among Family Members
Kay Sudekum Trotter, PhD, LPC-S says that Most parents do not realize that children are exceptional at overhearing and listening.” Generation to generation, there’s always a constant coldness and rigidity among families. That’s due to the lower level of consciousness or lower capacity for compassion. It’s not only within the family but as well as the people around each member of the unit. That’s because others are still ahead of their own cultures. When grandparents held back love from your parents, they are more likely to hold back from you as well. The mental impact leaves a feeling of a void or emptiness. There’s a sense of emotional and psychological damage because there’s no receiving of impactful relationship treatment.
The truth about mental illness is more severe that every one of us can imagine. But before we conclude the external impacts, let us understand the parameter of damage within the first foundation we know – family. Take note that Emily Grace Ames, LPC, NC says “While there are no one-size-fits-all strategies for overcoming stress, there are some things moms can do to combat the daily stress of life.”